Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Dear Ryan

Dear Ryan,

Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Boy!  I cannot believe it has been five years since the day you were born.  I am amazed at how raw the pain of loosing you continues to be.  While there are some details that are beginning to be get fuzzy {the smell of the hospital room, the feeling of the contractions, the weight of you in my arms} the pain just doesn't seem to be going away.  The deep, heart wrenching pain that brings me to tears whenever I think about you is still so fresh...so profound...so real.

Perhaps, it is in part, because you represented the beginning...the beginning of the sweet, little family that your Daddy and I had planned.  We had amazing hope for us, for our future, and for our family.  God, however, had a different plan for our lives. 

The pain I am feeling today, while it surely is a longing to hold you in my arms, it is also the pain of admitting that we are probably at the end.  You see, your Daddy and I have had three miscarriages this past year.  Our attempts at growing our family and giving Noah a little brother or sister have not worked out.  I am painfully and tearfully admitting that God's plan for our family is sovereign and I am humbly submitting to Him. 

I miss you each and every day, Sweet Boy, and pray for all of our Angle Babies in Heaven.  Rest assured that my love and longing for you have not waned over these past five years.  I promise to take good care of your little brother and continue to tell him all about you.  Happy Birthday!

Love,

Mama

10 comments:

  1. Hugs and love to your whole family.

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  2. Dear Heavenly Father
    Hold Rebecca and Casey in your loving arms and comfort their aching hearts. Give Ryan an extra hug from his Nana today. You are sovereign and we love you
    Amen

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  3. Happy 5th birthday Ryan. Tearfully heart broken that your Mommy, Daddy and little brother don't have you to hug today. Praying that the Lord would comfort their aching hearts. But today I am also so incredibly thankful that you know the voice of Jesus intimately. Praying for your sweet sweet family today.

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  4. Rebecca my heart aches for you today. I too know that part of what might have been. My prayers got to you and KC today and my heart smiles for the little miracle you go home to every day.
    Best wishes
    Michelle Kusch

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  5. Bec and KC our hearts, love and prayers are with you, Noah and baby Ryan. We love you very much.

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  6. God bless you and your Angles. Some day you will all be a family again, and the time you spent apart, however endless and painful it feels now, will feel like it went by in the blink of an eye. But until that day, and for every day from that day to this, I thank God that you are all in my life. Hugs and Kisses to all

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  7. My dear sister,
    There are no words that I can say, really, except that I love you. We grieve with you and for you, in your loss and pray for continued healing. Who can know God's thoughts and His ways. None on earth, that is for sure. Huge hugs to you all.

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  8. Happy belated birthday, Ryan. I'm sorry I didn't get to meet you, but I know the love your mom and dad feel for you, and the pain they feel in not being able to hold you today. I wish them strength today and every day hereafter.

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  9. Simply beautiful. Although the words are painful- the love knows no limits and takes my breath away.

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