Friday, July 1, 2011

Thinking

So...I've been thinking about Ryan quite a bit over these past few weeks.  Don't get me wrong, not a single day goes by where I don't think about my precious boy, but lately...well...it's been different.  I am experiencing a pain and longing that seems so fresh.  So assaulting.  So raw. 

Perhaps it is because I'm home all day now {glorious summer} and am constantly looking at reminders of Ryan.  His treasure box where we keep all the cards we received, his birth and death certificates, and the tiny hat he wore in the hospital.  His photos scattered throughout the house.  His urn.  

Perhaps it is because Noah has taken to carrying around Ryan Bear almost as much as Charlie.  {Don't worry Charlie, you are still his favorite}.

Perhaps it is because we've had several play dates with friends who have two beautiful children.  I look at those mothers struggling to feed one child while the other is crying or running after one child while the other is darting in a different direction and long for that.  

Perhaps it is because I am his Mother and I will always miss my sweet angel.

Whatever it is, I know that my little peanut is resting in Jesus' arms and that one day we will be reunited as we sing praises to our Heavenly Father. 

my sweet boys

6 comments:

  1. Bless you sweet sister. My heart goes out to you.

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  2. My heart aches for you. The hope and assurity of seeing our loved ones again is a blessing beyond measure. I look forward to meeting Ryan and rejoicing in the joy of your family being together forever!

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  3. I will always miss our first grandchild. Think of the family reunion we will have in heaven.

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  4. Lots of love and prayers as you heal everyday and live with His love knowing that one day you will rock that sweet boy of yours...

    Melissa

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  5. I know words can't describe the ache you have. I too miss our first grandchild as your mom put it so well. I haven't entered anything not know what to say but I love you.
    Grandma Cindy

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  6. It would be unrealistic to expect you would ever stop missing Ryan. How could we ever get used to being away from our angel babies? It is a good thing we will see them again, isn't it? I have a friend who was pregnant with me at the same time as our first and sometimes I wonder about my own. Love you. Hugs. praying.

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