Friday, December 23, 2011

Heartbreaking

Sorry for the lack of blogging lately, but, if you follow us on Facebook, you already know a bit of the reason why.

Shortly before Thanksgiving, Kc and I were thrilled to find out that we were pregnant...again.  We could not believe that God had blessed us with our third child. 

At our six week ultrasound we were able to see our precious little baby and watch their tiny little heart flutter away.  It was beating at a very strong one hundred fourteen beats per minutes.  What a miracle! 

Because of some very early chromosomal testing, we knew that our Little One was very healthy...and that our Little One did not have Fraser Syndrome...and that our Little One was a girl.  We were beyond ecstatic!

On Monday, we were scheduled four our nine week ultrasound.  We were instantly amazed at how much she had grown in just a few short weeks.  We were quickly devastated, however, when the doctor could not find her heartbeat.  She searched and searched and searched, and yet nothing.  The heart that should have been beating at one hundred fifty beats per minute was mysteriously silent.

The drive home from the doctor's office was agonizing.  All the memories and feelings of our final ultrasound with Ryan came flooding back.  Knowing the exact moment when your heart literally breaks inside your chest is perhaps one of the most painful things we have had to go through...again.

Today, Kc and I are celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary.
Can you believe it?!?
Five years?!?
Wow, five years?!?
Only five years!?!
We seem to have gone through so much in the past five years.
Shortly after we lost Ryan, a friend told me that everything you go through as a couple will either bring you closer together or drive you further apart.  No marriage is ever stagnant, she told me, it is always moving...it is our jobs to decide in which direction it is moving.
Well...I cannot imaging walking this road without my Amazing Husband.  He is my rock, confidant, partner, joy, lover, and best friend.  The joys and sorrows of these past five years have truly drawn us closer to each other, as well as to our God.  And while our hearts are broken, they are broken together.
I love you Babe!
Happy Anniversary!

8 comments:

  1. It really fascinates me how unique each of our challenges are and how grace is dispensed for them accordingly. Even so, I'm still amazed at the seemingly impossible challenges you guys have endured and am grateful you have each other, and God, to rely on.

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  2. Rebecca, I am so sorry to hear of your & KC's loss. I was a roommate of KC's after high school for a few years and worked with him at Valley Christian Center before moving to southern California.

    My wife and I have walked through the loss of miscarriage 3 times in the last year & a half and know the heartbreak you are experiencing. Like yours, our marriage has survived this and grown stronger, but I would never wish the pain of miscarriage on anyone. Praying God's peace and comfort on you, and also that you don't have well intentioned, but still painful "advice" from others who don't know what you're going through.

    Todd Eskes

    PS - I've been secretly following your blog for sometime. Seeing how you and KC have handled the challenges you have faced in raising Noah has been such an encouragement to me. You have responded to the challenges in such a God fearing & God glorifying way. Thank you.

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  3. Rebecca, I am praying for you during this very difficult time.

    Rebecca Freshwater

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  4. A belated Happy Anniversary to a truly inspiring, remarkable couple. Your God-focused marriage is a wonderful testimony. God bless your marriage for many years to come.

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  5. Oh Rebecca I am so sorry. My heart is broken for your loss. Praying for you and KC.

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  6. Dear Becky and KC,
    There is nothing one can say, but I hope the collective love and admiration your blog-watchers and your extended family have for you and Noah, will help sooth your spirits.
    You are being lifted up in prayer every day.
    I know you will continue to let your lights shine in the New Year; thank you for being a stellar example to us all.

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  7. Oh there are no words... I am so very sorry to hear about your heartache and loss. I'm praying your heart will be filled with love, peace and hope...

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  8. My name is Summer, my sweet son passed away at 20 weeks gestation just last Saturday of complications of Fraser's Syndrome. We miss our son so so so much, but our heart is broken in 2 ways: deeply ingrained in our heartbreak is knowing of the 25% chance we have of future children also having Fraser's. I have many questions, can you please please pretty please email at sumbum09@hotmail.com so I can ask you a few? I would appreciate it so much.

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