Dear Ryan

Dear Ryan,

Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Boy!  I cannot believe it has been five years since the day you were born.  I am amazed at how raw the pain of loosing you continues to be.  While there are some details that are beginning to be get fuzzy {the smell of the hospital room, the feeling of the contractions, the weight of you in my arms} the pain just doesn't seem to be going away.  The deep, heart wrenching pain that brings me to tears whenever I think about you is still so fresh...so profound...so real.

Perhaps, it is in part, because you represented the beginning...the beginning of the sweet, little family that your Daddy and I had planned.  We had amazing hope for us, for our future, and for our family.  God, however, had a different plan for our lives. 

The pain I am feeling today, while it surely is a longing to hold you in my arms, it is also the pain of admitting that we are probably at the end.  You see, your Daddy and I have had three miscarriages this past year.  Our attempts at growing our family and giving Noah a little brother or sister have not worked out.  I am painfully and tearfully admitting that God's plan for our family is sovereign and I am humbly submitting to Him. 

I miss you each and every day, Sweet Boy, and pray for all of our Angle Babies in Heaven.  Rest assured that my love and longing for you have not waned over these past five years.  I promise to take good care of your little brother and continue to tell him all about you.  Happy Birthday!

Love,

Mama

Mama & Noah at the Aquarium

Just because a few of you have been asking for all of these pictures...

December 2012

September 2012

 July 2012

 December 2011

 August 2011

We're Famous!

Our recent post about our latest trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium was picked up by said Aquarium and put on their blog.

How cool is that?!?

This adorable picture was posted along with a link to our tiny little blog.

How special is it that Noah's "Happiest Place on Earth" knows how happy it truly makes him.

Halloween Crafts

Several months ago, I found a few pictures on Pinterest {Are you following me?  You really should!} using embroidery hoops to display funky fabric on the walls.  

I mean, seriously, how cute is this?

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 Or this for Christmas?

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It just so happened that my amazing Mother had some extra embroidery hoops just lying around at her house.  I offered to take them off her hands, I'm such a thoughtful and generous daughter, and she agreed.  I used a few left-over pieces of fabric and added a few new ones to create this wall in my entryway.  Isn't it just the cutest?  It makes me so happy whenever I walk past, plus, I now have a place to check my lipstick before I run out the door.

If you look closely, just to the right of the mirror {which, by the way, came from my Dad's old office}, there is an embroidered heart made by my dear friend, Amy.  How sweet is that???

I still had a few scraps of fabric left-over and was searching for something to do with them until I saw this.

These adorable pumpkins {found on Pinterest, of course} just jumped out at me and couldn't help but make them.

I followed the easy, peasy directions here and was so excited at how they came out.

I absolutely love orange and blue together and am thrilled that they look "fall-ish" but are much brighter than the typical orange, yellow, and brown combination.

This bowl of pumpkins just makes my heart happy!

Monterey Bay Aquarium...again

In order to get away from the unbearable Fresno heat {I mean, seriously, 101 on the first day in October?!} the Jacksons headed over to Monterey for the weekend.  Bubs was super excited to visit his most favorite place in the whole wide world...The Monterey Bay Aquarium! 

We started out by visiting the tidal pools and taking the obligatory picture.  Noah just loves the anticipation of the tidal wave.

He got such a kick out of watching the water crash down into pool.

 

Bubs continues to LOVE to touch and feel everything.  Fortunately, the aquarium has loads of things to touch.

I think we spent the most time at the Flippers, Flukes, and Fun exhibit that fay.  Bubs fell in love with the humpback whale and dolphin fins and flippers.  He walked around with the fins on his arms

and made whale sounds.

He was so proud of himself.

We finished Day 1 with a quick trip to the Splash Zone and Noah, once again, loved the clam.

You heard that right...Day 1.  After a lovely walk along Cannary Row, scrumptious appetizers, a mediocre dinner, and a restful sleep in charming hotel, we headed back to the aquarium for Day 2.

Bubs requested {quite forcibly} that we immediately visit the Flippers and Fins again.  He was such a ham.

He loved to watch himself in the mirror wearing the fins while "swimming" and "bellowing" like a whale.

That is his "fishy" whale face. 

I requested that we visit the Jelly Fish Experience and Bubs agreed that he needed to show his toy jelly what the real things look like.  There were some amazing jellies on exhibit including some upside-down jellyfish {notice toy jellyfish is upside-down}

and white spotted jellyfish {notice toy jellyfish is swimming slowly}.

Mr. Man even got to play on a larger than life version.  He decided that his toy jellyfish might be feeling a bit inferior compared to all the amazing {and live} species we saw so Ice Bird {from Angry Birds} came out and took it's place.

We also spent some time with the seahorses.    

Shortly before leaving the aquarium, we headed out onto the deck and looked for sea otters in the ocean.  There were at least four that we could easily see floating amongst the kelp.

 

After a fantastic lunch {which certainly made up for the mediocre dinner the night before} we headed down to the beach for a bit of "sand time".  Bubs was more than happy to take his shoes off but wanted to keep his socks on...thank.you.very.much!  We all know that Noah is NOT a fan of the beach, so I was willing to accept anything so that he'd venture out onto the sand.

Who knew that the beach was so much fun in socks, long pants, and a long sleeve shirt?!?  It turns out that if Bubs is fully covered he is able to enjoy the sand.

Noah rolled in it, dug in it, had so much fun!

 

What an amazingly fun weekend!  The perfect little get-away for our little family.